I'm back! We have moved house and after much disruption to my life things have returned to normal. This may suprise you but I am in disgrace through virtually no fault of my own. A large bag of flour fell on the floor last night in the kitchen whilst I was sleeping. I tried my best to clear up the mess but Mummie said that the kitchen looked like a nuclear winter when she came down this morning and abused me verbally for several minutes citing my flour encrusted nose and legs and paws as proof of my guilt. I can tell you, it tasted filthy and I would never go out of my way in the future for such pitiful rewards. This is all her fault and caused by extreme desperation. I do not care that I have got my figure back after the excesses of Christmas. I was hungry. I am a Labrador.

I do not think that I am entirely forgiven for the excesses of Christmas. I have discovered that if the pantry door is not 100% shut that I can break in. I discovered this on Christmas Eve when I availed myself of a fruit cake, a chocolate cake, a cherry cake, 2 loaves of garlic bread and a large bag of Bombay mix which I couldn't in all honest manage by then. Mummie said it served me right and that I looked like the Hindenburg and paid no heed to my feeling of gross discomfort. She then went completely mad when we had an accidental breakage of a large porcelain bowl off the work surface the next night (from which all of the trifle disappeared). The final straw was when Daddy was sent downstairs with a truncheon. I thought that his response was a bit over the top but it transpires that he thought that we were being burgled when actually I was only throwing myself against the pantry door in order to gain access. Things were a bit off for a while and I managed to control my Labrador impulses until the borlotti beans and dried spaghetti last week and flour last night all of which I would add were totally inedible so I don't know what they are getting so animated about and had no adverse effects on my digestion. Atleast I didn't get in to the liqueur chocolates, I mean what is the problem? Suppose I'll need to try a bit of contrition. So boring.