One might have expected some sort of gastranomic present form Mummie upon her return from France however I have learned to live with disappointment and as a result hadn't got my hopes up. Fortunately Grannie has been looking after me and I did not go without. I must say though, I thought it was a bit rich of Daddy to imply that I had put on a noticeable amount of weight under Grannies care when I could tell that his jeans were just about cutting him in half. In addition he rolled through the back door with the shiny, glowing cheeks of a man who has indulged in uninhibited amounts of the local rose for a fortnight. I gave him a dirty look that was not lost on him.

We went for a walk last night and there are lots of young pheasants about. I hate pheasants even more than chickens. Daddy said that if I chased any pheasants I would get "the big stick". The big stick is his walking stick which he waves at me in an affected manner for minor misdemeanors. It has a polished rams horn handle which is rubbish in comparison to the one Mummie is going to get when P Diddy finally goes. I broke the last big stick and he never fails to tell Mummie that my pocket money will never be enough to recompense him for my "act of wilful vandalism". Mummie awaited this comment to launch into a diatribe about Podge's many acts of wilful vandalism and has had to add the plug and cable of the Dyson to her tally. This is the same Dyson that had to practically be rebuilt after Podge chewed it first time round. Mummie was on a roll and Daddy wished he hadn't mentioned the big stick.

I had to spend the night in the kennel due to A. embarrasing Daddy in front of the gamekeeper by chasing pheasants (back in the direction of the release pens which is actually quite useful for the keeper) and wilfully ignoring his instructions to desist. Most of the words were unrepeatable because he couldn't reach me with "the big stick". B. I Felt the urge to go to the stream post chase and cool down in the mud. Mummie was I felt, predicting that this was gong to happen and uncharacterisitcally she did not go mad but marched me straight to the kennel. This seemed particulary unfair as Daddy had tripped over "the big stick" and fallen in the field. He was more dirty than I was. Mummie suggested a night in the kennel for him but he didn't see the irony.