Mummie has sent me to coventry again over the unexplained disappearance of1lb of Lurpak. I don't know why the finger is always pointed at me. Podge is 5 months old now and I have seen her climb on to the kitchen table. She is too stupid to realise that this is not very clever. Daddy thinks that his dogs are wonderful because they "perform a use" in life ie. sit beside him when he goes shooting. I however am "a net drain on his resources" and get no slack from him whatsoever. He cannot prove anything on the butter front but I had do go to the vet with a sudden cough and the vet said that the butter wrapper probably scratched my throat on the way down causing the cough. The vet said he would suggest a laxative for any other breed to be on the safe side but that there was no need in the case of labradors who were known to be able to digest car tyres with no general discomfort. My predecessor once ate a light bulb to no ill effect and a 2lb box of Thorntons Continentals at one sitting which met with screams of abuse from her (who had hidden them under a footstool in the drawing room away from prying eyes............).

I have decided to mount a charm offensive on Daddy. Everyone else is a pushover. I shall begin by staring soulfully at him and a bit of attention seeking always unnerves him. It will be a tough nut to crack. He says she has "created a monster". Failing that I shall ignore him and lay in front of the Aga for a few nights instead of joining the rest of the family in the sitting room. His love and concern for me will make him repent of his sin and I shall be forgiven for my momentary aberration in the kitchen this morning. No problem - he is putty in my paws.

This is a picture of me with Ant & Dec who have now gone "down the road". (Lovely boys but laterally a bit thuggish, winding them up became too dangerous.)