I am on line again, I expect that you have missed me. The reason that I have been unavailable for comment is that Podge ate a bit of the computer. This happened shortly after she demolished the new Dyson and as a result both she and Lulu (who was suspected of being the chief conspirator) have been thrown out into the kennel. Mummie said that she felt a bit guilty about it until she found more 2 inch pieces of the Dyson cable under the fridge and nibbles on the plug of the fridge and so now guilt has given way to the feeling that it is for their own good. I had initially thought that this was a good idea but actually, I miss them and I am the sole focus of my human sisters attentions which has become very tedious. They constantly demand my attention, hug me and generally get in between me and numerous food opportunities. Mummie has been on her usual autumn food preservation frenzy. This is not as good as it may seem. I will eat jam if there is nothing else available but I really have to force myself with the chutney.

Daddy is trying to be more affectionate towards me, I think that he may be missing Podge and Lulu being in the house. I reciprocated a bit until he called me an attention seeker and pushed me off his lap. He said that I am not a lap dog, bloody cheek! I go on Mummies lap all the time, or at the very least, the sofa. Daddy says that Mummie has got bigger legs than he has and this is why she can stand it. Mummie gave Daddy a very menacing look when he said this and he did not say any more except that I should be a poodle, not a labrador and that I am very affected. Mummie pointed out that I do not destroy Gucci loafers, sunglasses, leather lined wellies, car boot liners, Dysons or computers. Daddy knows when he is beaten and chose not to argue his corner any further.

This is a photo of me, allegedly looking affected. The angle of my paw is nothing to do with affectation, merely a bad habit that Lulu taught me.